Memory Lapse

Sammy Performing his Science Experiment

I come to this blog far too infrequently now.  Maybe it is because I don't need the therapy it offered during treatment.  I do know, however, that many people will be looking for information about life after treatment...so I need to update a little.

Sammy hardly shows any signs of having cancer.  No one at his school even knows about it apart from the teacher and nurse.  He would like to keep it that way and we are honoring that request.

Sammy went sledding for the first time EVER this winter.  Finally free of his port, and osteopenia a thing of the past, he was delighted that the weather gave us a ridiculous amount of the white powdered stuff.  I watched with great pleasure as he zoomed down hills, bouncing on bumps and flying past trees, all while smiling from ear to ear.  I was surprised by how little I allowed myself to worry about this.  You might think that, having almost lost my son, I would be crazily over-protective.  It has had almost the opposite effect on me...I say, live life HARD!  Enjoy all that you can...why not?

I watched my little guy swim with such power, each stroke a tribute to how he has managed to get his muscles working again, a sense of pride and determination as he sped through the water.  I no longer rush to explain to the instructor that Sammy can't lift his arms above his head, or that he needs extra time between lengths.  In fact, if truth be told, I am the proud mama watching her son swim at the top of his class...mastering the strokes easily, swimming harder and faster than anyone else.  Oh...I am gonna shout that one from the rooftops :)

Academics are another area of immense pride.  Sammy is at or above grade level and demonstrates an amazing ability to retain information. He was the proud recipient of an A+ for his Science Fair project.  He loves to read, has mathematical understanding, and can articulate his thoughts incredibly well.  In addition, he has a rare drive to really achieve in school.  He is responsible and often reminds me to sign things.  I'm not sure where he got that last one from.

Imagine my surprise, as we were sitting together today,  Sammy showed that he really didn't remember something.  I had asked him about the pain he felt with his neuropathy.  He had gone through most of the treatment years on Neurontin for the excruciating pain in his feet.  But Sammy floored me when he casually shrugged and said he didn't remember any pain like that.  My jaw dropped.  I thought he would never forget it.  He cried so much with it.  I cried so much with it.  Yet, it may as well never have happened.  Thankfully, Sammy has moved on and left some things well behind.

Today we are off to enjoy the sunny skies of Florida.  We have not been on vacation since the trip to Disney for Sammy's wish three years ago.  We are very excited to all be happy, healthy and ready for some fun in the sun!

Another Day

Well, don't I feel like a bit of a complainer!  I know I have stuff to feel sorry for myself about, but I kinda let loose a bit last night.  Thank you to all those who rushed to my aid and gave me amazing words of support.  I am okay...today is a day without tears and self-pity.  And I certainly didn't mean to imply that cancer moms are the only people who have something to cry about.

Today I took Jack to his baseball game.  He played really well and the team won 11-4!  More on that over at his blog.  Sammy then had swimming.  He was feeling tired from yesterday and tried to get out of going, but we held firm and asked him to do his best and stick to his commitments.  I was so impressed as he glided though the water with speed and power and a rapidly developing style.  He really stands out in a good 'I am not limping with pain' kind of way in the water.  He rocks!

When we got home, I decided to scrub down all the garden furniture, clean the deck, and tidy up outside a little.  There is nothing like hard work to take one's mind off things.  I am knackered and ache all over...it feels good!  Might have termites...but I'll worry about that when I get off this couch to really check it out!

So I know my moaning and groaning comes and goes...and I know I tend to focus on me, rather than Sammy when I do.  I do not have cancer...I do not have treatment, chemo, steroids and pain.  But I cannot climb inside Sam's brain to share his thoughts, so I share mine...open, honest and self-absorbed as they may be.  I try to throw in some details about life as it is, and mix well with a pinch of normal too.

Camp!

Sammy bounced back nicely from five horrendous steroid days.  He is at camp as I type...at his own request...playing sports, swimming, watching movies and generally being a kid!  I am so happy camp is possible this week.  We have also signed him up for swimming lessons every Saturday.  We are going for normal while we can.

So the camp is at the Italian Center and is, in no way shape or form,  a special camp for kids with cancer.  My mummy radar is up at all times, checking for the vibe that tells me to break land-spead records to get to the IC to rescue my chid from some major catastrophe such as a foam ball to the head!

I am also beaming with pride that my little man has continued to be so independent and confident.  His brother is not doing the camp with him due to a high fever and some kind of yucky virus.  See Jack's own blog for details.

Independence has always been a strength of Sammy's.  Being restricted in so many ways must have driven him crazy over the past year and a half.  We are open to giving him as many opportunities as we can to continue being 'normal' and enjoying new experiences.  I WILL swallow my angst and deal with it...what's the worst that can happen?  And kids do get bumps and scrapes...it's part of being a kid so why deprive Sammy of these rites of passage?

Yesterday, Sammy returned home rather achy and tired but happy.  He had made 'friends'...he was not willing to actually ask them their  names, but hey, at least he got to interact with kids!  He also really wanted to be signed up again for today,  so we did...I think/hope we are seeing the beginning of a more sporty Sammy emerge!

I do not know what today will bring...Sammy was very stiff this morning but happy and eager to get to camp.  As I waved goodbye, he was in the midst of a group game of dodgeball....oh yay!  and having a blast.

This is a big development for us as a family.