The Holidays

 Tonight I heard the saddest words..."I wish I was in heaven so I didn't have pain or have to take this medicine any more!"  My heart broke.  Today is the first day off steroids for this cycle and Sammy is suffering so much.  This Christmas week has not been a good one for him.   We are grateful  that Sam was not admitted to hospital, or reacted to the chemo with vomiting, or needing to be in bed all day. But Christmas was not fun for him, he still hasn't opened all his presents and feels too sick to play with the ones he has opened. 

There were good moments...some were awesome...like the hug and kiss between Jack and Sam as they opened gifts from each other.  But things are not the same...the "new normal" is not Holiday friendly!   Jack baked cookies for Santa alone, and stocking pictures were separate as Sam could not stand.  We made the best of it all but even Jack said it was not the same this year, despite getting a gazillion gifts from family, friends and even strangers.   It goes to show that the material things are not what makes Christmas so special!

We had an impromptu visit to the clinic on Monday as Sam had little red pin-sized dots appear under his eye on Saturday and had chest pains on Sunday...both of which were initial symptoms pre-diagnosis.  Sam was furious at having to go to the clinic (numbed on his finger and port) an extra day...it just was not fair!!!!  We felt merely petrified at the idea of relapse.  Blood work and a chest X-ray showed no signs to be concerned about so we left feeling relieved it was just the chemo doing its nasty tricks. 

Just for a laugh, I'm going to list all the other things that went a little awry this holiday:
1. Hannukah with the family cancelled due to snow storm.
2.Trip to Target...elevator stuck.
3. Trip to Target...picked up can of cat food which had burst and rotted..proceeded to stink though the store and finally discovered why I smelled so bad as I unpacked the tin and the juice dripped all over the floor.  Had to disinfect the car, wash everything I was wearing, wash all the new items bought and throw some of it away as it was beyond salvage, then shower!
4. Trip to Target...lost parking ticket and had to pay full price!
5. While at Target, put Wii game at counter for Jack then forgot to pick it up so he didn't get it for Christmas!
6. Bought Jack an iTunes card and can't find it anywhere so he didn't get that either!
8. Didn't notice one of Brian's gifts had fallen out in trunk of car and wondered why he said I didn't get him EVERYTHING on his wish list... it was found after Christmas morning and he was happy!
9. The oven broke on Christmas Eve!!!!!  Had already prepared all the veggies for dinner so they went off and had to be thrown out...Santas cookies were rock hard (the oven worked at 550degrees for a short time).
10.  Supposed to have a British Christmas at our friends house but everyone was too sick (not just Sam).
11.  Cousin Lorie could not come to see us as she was unwell :(
12. And worst of all, my Mummy couldn't come over.

So there it is...and it is only Tuesday!!!

HOWEVER, there is a lot to be thankful for:
1. Sam was not in the hospital overnight.
2. Neighbors helped with the food issues and have been taking good care of us.
3. Nana and Poppa still joined us for Christmas dinner at the Hibachi restaurant.
4. My Mummy had a wonderful neighbor invite her to her house for Christmas so she was not alone.
5. A neighbor threw a cosmetic party to raise money for Sam and gave us gifts and a prayer from her church.
6. Friends pooled together to get me a special bag for the hospital so I am all ready to go...they chose my favorite pattern too!
7.  Sammy's counts were high enough for him to eat hot dogs
8. A class in a school in the Bronx prays daily for Sammy and all the children sent us huge bags stuffed with gifts from Santa for both Jack and Sam to brighten their day!
9. We  got to semi-celebrate Hannukah at Cousin Andrews, and it was wonderful to see Jack and Andrew play together so well.
10. We didn't go broke!