You Can Tell Things Are Getting Better When....

We still have a long road ahead...the rest of Sammy's life, in fact.  But I am beginning to see that each stage has it's pros and cons.  The earlier stages were, obviously, more immediately harrowing.  Read the earlier posts to see details.

Now we are in the maintenance phase, there is a more 'normal' pattern to our lives.  Three week cycles provide us with the stability of knowing when Sammy is going to grow steroid 'devil horns', when he will have the Vincristine pain, and when we can plan something fun as he will be okay.

What I have noticed lately is a mixed blessing.  Sammy is really becoming aware of his inability to do things.  I mentioned this before in the post Questions From A Six Year Old.

A couple of days ago, I watched Sam 'run' around the playground with his friends....last as usual, with the limp and gait which sets him apart from the others.  We stayed at school late that same night to watch the annual talent show...great fun.  I also met the father of one of my former students.  He survived cancer twenty years ago and is now a big player at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  He and Sammy exchanged port stories...Mr. M had his on the same side, but his was external, Sammy had the Port-a-cath....buried under the skin.   Connection made, stories shared, offer of help if ever needed gratefully accepted.  We headed home.

But at the end of the day, Sam was sad and melancholy.  He was upset but didn't really know why.  As usual, we did our little talk and out it all came:

Sam is sick of being the one everyone knows as having cancer.  He is sick of not being able to run, and he is sick of having a port!  The last one really surprised me for some reason.  Then Sam explained that he just wanted to be back to 'normal'.  No amount of telling him "he is 'normal', he just has some extra things to deal with," helped...duh!  But I had to try.

This time, however, I did not have the heartbreak I had previously during one of these discussions.  I was beginning to realize that, as Sammy was getting upset at his lot, it was because he was feeling so much better, healthier, able to get on with life!

So, you know things are getting better when...Sammy is ready to take on the world as a non-cancer kid!