Applause and Awards

Sammy had been asked, many months ago, to present the Danny Fund award at the Senior Awards Ceremony for the school district.  We had agreed, mainly because of all the support the Danny Fund has given us, and due to the fact that the community where the kids go to school has been so unbelievably supportive.  Little did we know that Peter (our hero) was to be the recipient.

Anyway, they awards ceremony was held on the evening of the early clinic day so we were not even sure that Sammy would make it.  When we got the call that Peter was receiving the award, Sammy became super determined to go, not matter what kind of infection he had.  So off we went.

The school gymnasium was set up so the parents were in the bleachers, the seniors getting wards were each side of the podium, and the presenters were at the back of the podium in several rows of chairs.  450 awards were scheduled to be given that night.  The Danny Fund were up after ten awards.

We had only learned that Peter was getting the award, a grant from the Danny Fund, that day so we were over the moon and emotional about it....Peter means a great deal to us.  We saw his mom and dad sitting in the audience, and I knew they had no idea about the honor about to be bestowed on their son.  What came next, I could not have dreamed of in a million years.

Our dear friend, Loretta from the Danny Fund, introduced the award and the fact that there was a special person giving it out, someone who was fighting leukemia and was demonstrating the ability to overcome unbelievable obstacles just like the recipient of the grant had done.  She called out Sammy Zweig to come up and present the award.  I braced myself for the emotion of Sammy calling out Peter's name but was dumbfounded when the entire gymnasium...in sync and without any prompt... stood up for a resounding standing ovation for Sammy.  My Sammy!   My wonderful hero, Sammy!!!!!

I was crying my eyes out.  I later found out from Gina, Peter's mom, that a lot of the audience were crying too.  I had to laugh when, as all were standing except me...too busy blubbing and trying to take in the amazing spectacle before me, a very senior member of the community sitting behind me loudly commented, "Oh, that's the Sammy I've heard so much about....YOU had better stand for this guy..come on...stand up!!!!"   I dutifully stood and didn't feel it was worth turning and telling him I was Sammy's mum...I just 'got' what he was saying and it put me totally over the edge.....tears everywhere.

Sammy stood for at least a minute, taking the applause and smiling despite his fear, then announced the winner of the award.  What better person to receive it than the young man who had the same battle Sammy was having.  The young man who had overcome and defeated cancer, and was now Class President and Captain of the Football Team.  Peter, upon hearing his name, ran over to the podium, scooped up Sammy in his arms, and the two heroes hugged and shared a moment of triumph together!

Emotional overload!!!!

I Cried Today

I don't know what makes a day one of those days, but today was a humdinger of a day.  Last night I was so tired...you know, that tired to the bone, desperate for sleep kind of tired that makes you grumpy and a little high-strung.  Who am I kidding?   I've felt like that for months....it's part of the journey I'm on with my family and dear old cancer!

Anyway, I digress.  So last night, tired beyond reason, I sat in the kitchen comforting my amazingly strong son who had just HAD ENOUGH:  Sam is sick and tired of the treatment, fed up with not being 'normal'.  He says he is not a 'normal kid'.  He says he wants to be able to play and chase his friends at recess.  He says he wishes he had never had cancer, as it is too much now.

I validated everything, no sugar-coating, just plain agreeing with him.  It sucks, stinks, feels like crap, blah, blah, blah.  (My words, not his...."Cancer is stupid" is Sam's release....my real release words would make this blog R rated!  We are getting closer to the end of treatment, but tell a kid he has at least five more months to go and it doesn't register the same way it does to all our well-wishers.  It still seems like forever, and so much of his life has revolved around not being normal (his words).

Sam also showed how much things are getting to him when Leslie, his psychologist, had the session with him in the clinic.  Playing doctor often helps in a therapeutic way.  Sam has a monkey he looks after and often works on 'teaching' the monkey how to cope with the treatments he gets from Sam.  This visit was remarkably different: instead of helping the monkey feel better, Sam stuck the needle in the monkey's eyes, nose, ears...basically anywhere it would hurt, and with no plan to calm the monkey before treatment.

So, back to today:  I drove to school with the sunglasses hiding my tears, blamed allergies as kind colleagues checked in with me, and sucked it up and gave it my all once the students were in the classroom.  Only those closest to me knew what was going on.

This is a crying day....I have them....I will continue to have them spring up and surprise me for many years to come, I'm sure.  I hope Sammy does not continue to have them once treatment is over, and I won't let him know if I do.

Why share this?  'Cos I'm a sap!   No, it's because the people reading this who are in my shoes will relate and understand, they might feel better about their own crying days, they might give themselves a break and let it go...it happens.  I still feel like crying, the day is not yet over.  Tomorrow, however, is another day.