Thankful

Today is Thanksgiving Day.  An American holiday which I have celebrated over the past 15 years.  I enjoy going to my in-laws and seeing my extended American family.  I miss my British family, but it doesn't his me as hard as Christmas, the holiday I have celebrated all my life.

Thanksgiving is a nice holiday where people gather and enjoy one another's company.  It is, in fact, a lot less commercial than Christmas, which I appreciate!  But the best thing about Thanksgiving, for me, is that I get to really be thankful.  I am one of the luckiest mummy's in the world.  I have both my boys with me....and I almost didn't!

You know about Sammy, but Jack was no walk in the park either!  He decided to come out after just 24 weeks gestation, so I fought to keep him growing inside me with Magnesium, a Terbutaline pump and months of bed-rest.  We made it to 36 weeks and only a few days in the NICU after some complications from the emergency C-section!  At five years old, Jack was diagnosed with Bacterial Meningitis.  He had an emergency lumbar puncture and, after 10 days in hospital, we administered medications via a picc line in his chest.  He and Sammy both have neck and chest scars from their lines.

With our crazy battles to keep our children healthy, I really do appreciate spending today with my sons.

• I am thankful for the excess laundry I do with two boys who can always find the dirtiest place to play
• I am thankful that I get prodded awake in the wee hours of the morning to tell someone they are okay after a nightmare
• I am thankful that I have to say no to social events because my kids need me for one of their events
• I am thankful that I have been known to have a mini-meltdown as I work out how to get my kids to tidy up
• I am thankful that I can hardly type because Sammy has just sat down next to me, pinning down my right arm and chattering away as he plays his allotted time on the Wii 

There are so many other things I take for granted too often these days but I am reminded just how lucky I am today.  I am with my boys, I'm about to make a dish to take to the family gathering, and I am complete....not sane by any means (but that is because I'm a mom).  

                                             Happy Thanksgiving one and all!  

The Danny Fund

http://thedannyfund.org/

Today Brian called at a friend's house to pick up gift for the boys and a gift card from The Danny Fund to the boys (and us) to celebrate 'guilt free' over the holidays.  We are not to use it for copays or bills.  It is such a wonderful gesture!  My favorite gift, however, was the news that the money that was raised at the Super Sammy Dance Festival Day...previously mentioned - orange T-shirts everywhere...TV interviews...donations from the kids etc. was being used to help three families in need. 

I cannot express how good it felt to be helping someone else.  Knowing that we are not just 'taking' from others, but also contributing again.  It is especially important that it is through the Danny Fund as they really help keep people afloat when health issues threaten to rip family finances apart.  We could not have stayed financially afloat without their help. 

Now, am I glad for the wrong reasons, I ask myself?  Do I dislike my inability to cope on my own so much, I jump at the chance to help others to make myself feel better?  Looking inward, really going deep inside myself, I think I do feel a sense of relief we are able to be 'helpers' rather than 'takers'.  Does that make me a bad person?  Not sure...but this is my reflection:  when one goes through more than one can usually cope with, it is a necessary survival strategy to welcome the aid and generosity of others.  My dear friend, Gina, who has been through this herself, told me in the very early days, "Take all the help you can get and give back later. People genuinely want to help you."   I have never taken this help and love for granted, but,boy, it sure feels better to be on the giving side again. 

So, to psycho-analyze myself a little further...I don't think I'm a bad person, just a relieved mother.  We are at a different stage and can be more aware of others again.  I am seeing HUGE lists of people to thank....all of whom I intended to immediately and then got sidetracked by yet another bad phase or reaction to meds.  I have not got that excuse any more.  I am free to be me again to a much greater extent.

Therefore, I am now a "helper with a need for some help".  I am a "friend who needs her good friends also"....I am a mother of a very sick child who is coming through the other side of Hell and can understand what it is like to be there...I can help...I can empathize...I can DO something for others...I can be ME!  Thank you, Danny Fund, for giving me the gift of feeling like ME again.