Tuesday, September 13, 2011


Yankees - full of cancer but we didn't know it yet

Today, two years ago, right about his time, I took my Sammy to the ER. The doctor told me he had cancer! Our lives changed forever. I still remember every moment of being told that diagnosis...EXACTLY what the doctor looked like, how Sammy was sitting on the bed looking up at me wondering what was going on, where the phone was across the room, what the wallpaper border looked like! 

Today is our diagnosis anniversary...but more importantly, our STILL ALIVE anniversary! Sammy, you rock!

The above is my FB update...

Sleeping during the first weeks of chemo in hospital

I feel strange about the whole thing.  I am taking the good and rolling with it, yet still my heart breaks too often.  Steroids are coming up and I dread it.  But...at least we are still giving the steroids and not mourning the loss of a fantastic boy.  Tonight I will remember the first night....I wish I could block it out forever.  I don't mean to dwell on it...it is just something I cannot shake from my mind right now.  

Another stay in hospital - our second home during the first year

I am experiencing something many know too well....'survivor guilt'.  Yup, I should be over the moon, grateful, making the most of it all, but I feel guilty that seven mothers that I know about are not able to worry about steroids any more.  They talk to their child in Heaven! Yet I am so grateful to all those who celebrated our two year mark...they saw it as a good thing and, believe me, so do I!  But celebrating the fact your son is still alive SUCKS!  It means he was dying.  

Sammy is so used to the clinic he can goof around now!

Here ends my negative rant about a positive day....we caught the evil monster before it took Sammy...we are beating it to a pulp....Sammy is the bravest kid I know and his brother, Jack, is beyond compassionate, patient and loving.  They both grew up too quickly, but they are both amazing people.  So let's celebrate!


  1. Yes definitely celebrate! Cancer kids are so special, they have to fight and grow up to quickly.
    Recently when I read my journal from 24 years earlier about my son and his fight. I could still see him, his pain and suffering. As his mother I don't think I'll ever get that out of my head. There is so much guilt that goes with the experience I had to go through. I know I am very blessed that my son responded well to treatment.
    Thinking of Sammy and his family. <3

  2. Gosh, what a tear jerker!

    Sammy is really such a strong boy and a real fighter!



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