Monday, April 30, 2012

Leukemia - On Our Minds Today!



So we finally had the "moment".  The one I knew we would have...eventually.  I just didn't realize how comfortable I had got until it happened.  So you're not panicking, Sammy is okay.  I am a little shaken and firing on major adrenaline with a massive dose of the 'oh craps' thrown in. Here is why:

About three days ago, Sammy came to me with pain in his neck.  It was the side his port had been on, so I figured he may have some aches at times or he was sore from all the playing he has been doing lately.  As I felt his neck, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end..Sammy had lumps down both sides of his neck.

I had watched Sammy's neck develop swollen glads three years ago and, being completely ignorant of the signs and symptoms of leukemia, I did not rush off to the doctor.  We all know how that turned out.  This time, I still did nothing.  I observed Sammy and decided to wait it out a little as there is a lot of yucky sickness going around.

Today, however, I couldn't ignore my nagging feeling and I asked the school nurse to check Sam out.  She felt that his glands warranted a trip to the pediatrician.  Now, most teachers would call, make an appointment, and keep teaching.  Thankfully most teachers have not had a child with leukemia.  When a nurse says go, I go!  It was lunchtime and I got an appointment immediately (a perk of being a survivor) and my Principal wonderfully agreed to get my class covered so I could get back home to numb Sammy's finger ready for the blood draw.

I think a lot when I drive.  This drive shook me up bad!  I relived the panic and fear just after diagnosis.  I tried to push away dark thoughts about bone marrow transplants, radiation and more bloody steroids.  Leukemia is harder to get rid of the second time around.  Fear is a powerful emotion.

One of the toughest things to do is pretend all is well when you are crying inside.  Moms have perfected this art when it really counts.  I had to really conjure up my 'inner mom' and chat with the kids and pretend all was routine....Sammy still considers random blood draws routine.

The bottom line, after a very long doctors visit and through work-up: Sammy may have a virus as his counts are a little off but nothing to make one scream off into the sunset with manic desperation.  The doctor did measure Sammy's lumps, and we have to go back in two weeks to see if they have changed in any way.

The next two weeks are going to be very long.  It is Sammy's birthday on Thursday and we have his party on Saturday.  All has to be fine and jolly.  I reckon I can keep a stiff upper lip and keep myself almost rational about all of this.

Sammy looks and acts well.  He has no other signs of relapse.  He recently saw his doctors at CHAM and he was 'all clear' then.  I have to hang on to this.  I WILL hang on to it.  Sammy gives me strength so I am in good hands.  I'll keep you all informed.

19 comments:

  1. "One of the toughest things to do is pretend all is well when you are crying inside."

    Isn't that the truth? From one mom to another, I feel your pain and I am sending you so many good vibes.

    I'm sorry you have to go through the next two weeks of wondering and WORRYING.

    Everything will be alright. Remember....

    JUST BREATHE

    xo
    S

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Honey,
    Seeing you here is soooo important to me now...I am crying. Thank you for being there for me AGAIN! I think I will always need you xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'm crying all the harder. So sorry I've been so out of touch - I know I've let you down (and I owe you an email).

      Please just know that I'll ALWAYS be there for you and you have no idea how much I need YOU. You are my rock, love.

      x

      Delete
  3. What a strong, tough little boy that Sammy of yours is! What a real trooper and a super man--of course, because he has a super mom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure I'm super after snarling at him to be still for a throat swab today but thanks so much. xxx

      Delete
  4. Sammy is truly a Superman and you are Supermom! Keep going - you guys are amazing! Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. xo Jeanette

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks so much, Jeanette. keep posting those recipes..they are such great cancer fighting foods and I love them...that is a great help :)

      Delete
  5. Sammy I hope you feel better. You are superman! So, what does superman sammy like to do for fun?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like to swim and play with my brother. I am feeling okay now. My mom says it's a virus so i will get better soon.
      Sammy


      Thank you soooo much, Clancy. Sammy has a HUGE smile on his face :)
      Katy

      Delete
    2. I am a swimmer! I swim MWF at 6 AM! Yes, I get out of bed and go swim laps to help keep me strong for my kids. When I swim on W, I will dedicate my swim to you. Just think the weather is getting warmer and you will be able to swim with your brother. My little girl, Dylan, says hello. She is three years old and also has a brother who is one year old. He would say hello but he cannot speak yet.

      I am happy you are feeling better and yes the virus will go away. You are on my mind. Dylan wanted to know what your favorite toy is??

      Delete
    3. Thank you so much for giving Sammy so much inspiration. He wants to swim at 6am but I said it's too late for us as we have to get ready for school by then :) I then added that I'm not quite ready to get up at 4 :) Dedicating the swim made us all feel so wonderful....Sammy wants to type:

      thank you for swimming for me, i want to be on the swim team soon. Hello to Dylan and her brother. please tell her that my favorite toy is my lego spaceship what is hers?


      I have had not time to update the blog lately but a lot has happened and all good. I'm hoping to share it all this coming weekend. Take care xxx

      Delete
  6. You know, Sammy, your mom didn't name her blog "SupermanSammy" for nothing. Whenever people read about your story, they learn that you and your family had a bumpy go of it.... but you came out even stronger and more powerful a kid than your parents could have ever imagined. I am sorry that you had to go back to the doctor this week. NO ONE likes going to the doctor, right? But at least you have this SUPER party to look forward to!!! I think I'll have a piece of cake in your honor this Thursday, heck and maybe Saturday too. Maybe it should be "celebrate with Sammy week!" All kids should have a piece of cake with their parents and sing "Happy Birthday Sammy". I bet you'd feel all the love coming your way Super Sammy!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sammy was actually speechless with this one! I asked him to type something but he is too excited about the MASSIVE birthday celebration for him :) You made his day...thank you xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  8. So sorry you’ve got to go through this after everything you’ve been through so far, Katy. These couple of weeks will seem like an eternity, I’m sure. But it’ll seem like a mere blink of an eye when you look back on it afterwards. Stay strong.

    I look forward to reading that’s everything’s all right very soon xx

    Sammy, have a great birthday, and save me some cake!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hang on Katy - this too will pass, but will need your courage, once again. Prayers for a virus.. sounds wierd...<3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does sound weird but we are very used to that around here :) Thanks for the prayers, they are working! xxx

      Delete
  10. Have been off-line for several days, Katy, so was horrified to read what you wrote regarding our very precious Sammy. Please God, it is just a virus. I'm sure it is, darling, so try not to worry - easier said than done, I know! Hang on in there, like you always do - I've never known anyone as strong as you! And please wish Sammy a very happy birthday from his Nana Haze. I'll phone later on, and hopefully talk to our fantastic hero. Masses of love and good vibes sent, of course! xxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  11. It'll be a hard couple of weeks but know there are some many people praying it's a virus. I hope you had a wonderful Birthday Sammy and your party will be amazing, just like you are.

    ReplyDelete
  12. So true about being a parent and having to cry on the inside while on the outside you must carry on with a smile on your face - so very hard. I am thinking of you and your family, especially your sweet Sammy. Great birthday wishes to him!

    ReplyDelete

Your comments mean so much to us.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...