New Year - Yup!

Well 2012 is upon us and Sammy is cancer free and off treatment.  I was reading back at last year's post and I hardly recognized myself.  It is amazing the toll the last year has taken, despite my very optimistic outlook and resolve to make it a good one.  Fail!!!!!  Read here to see what I said a year ago.  

We had a lovely New Year's Eve at a very close friend's house.  We all stayed over so as to be safe from the drunks on the roads.  We all drank enough to consider it a special night, but no hangovers anywhere!  I, however, slept in until midday as I was so wiped from the night of merriment...my body just ain't working for me at all!  

New Year's Day brought a new ‘treat’...Sammy had a fever of 102.7.  Now just two months ago that would have put me into a catatonic state...and led us straight to the ER...do not pass GO, do not collect $200!  But, now that Sam is off treatment and his port is out, he can be treated by his regular practitioner.  That took a bit of getting used to.  Of course, I called CHAM anyway, just to make sure.  They told me his blood counts had been great on Thursday and there was no reason for them to see him.  

Two days later we got to see the pediatrician (holidays can be such a pain).  Reviewing the history, the doctor decided to take no chances and ordered a full CBC (complete blood count) and several tests for blood pressure etc.  

The strangest thing was, we were in room 13. Sam was diagnosed on the 13th...our lucky number as he would have died had we not caught it when we did.  Yet I had a minor freak-out that it was all happening again...we would be lucky to find it again so as to save his life in room 13!!!!

I remained calm but realized that any small anything was going to induce a terror within that would grip my insides like a vice.  Even the doctors would not just treat as 'normal' but run tests just to be sure.  New Year was a new normal.... off treatment, no CHAM each week, less testing, more "I wonder if..."  

Sammy is still off school as his fever remains and he now has a sore throat.  All part of any school kid's run-of the mill illness.  But I'm looking hard at his glands, checking for petechiae, watching for bruises, and noticing every moment his energy level is down.  

Sammy is sick of being ill.  He has had enough.  He want’s to run and play but the late effects are kicking in and he has mobility issues with his right leg.  This wonderful, brave, and resilient boy is ready for some time off.  He deserves it more than anyone I know.  

I am no longer saying, "At least it is a normal illness this time."  Because it is not fair that Sammy has to feel bad yet again.  I'm not finding the positive outlook is working anymore.... gosh, it has run me into the ground...but most importantly, I am pissed off for my son.... he needs to have a break!  Give my son the gift of good health and leave him alone for a while!