Monday, October 26, 2009


I know people are trying to cheer me up when they talk about the future. Things are going well...always look forward...more chance of being run over by a bus. But right now I feel as though Sammy is standing in front of the bus, and we are all just hoping he is not hit! Leukemia can kill...there, I've said it..and my Sammy has something that could kill him!

Why am I feeling this way? I am angry and sad about how he is closing up. He never ventures from the couch, doesn't eat and can't find the motivation to do much at all. I have just put a whole list of questions together for Brian to take to the clinic tomorrow; I'd go myself but have Bronchitis so can't go near cancer patients. I want this lethargy, loss of appetite and lack of will to be addressed. This I now fear more than the cancer. I see none of the Sammy I know, instead a little old man with skinny legs who shakes as he tries to haul himself up a step.

But he's in remission! Yes, but that means he can start the more intense therapy...the one that will blast every last inch of his being away...leaving nothing for the cancer to come back to. I just feel like it's taking my Sammy away too!

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