On Again, Off Again!

The week has gone by at a snail's pace.  Tensions are high as we are all suffering a basic case of 'sick of it" in this house.  Sammy cried his eyes out when the doctor told him he had to keep his cast on for another three weeks.  You could almost see the band of angst surrounding us all...manifesting in each family member in its own way.

Breaking the taboo of being a nut job, I admit to my first real anxiety attack.  Not pleasant, and a big wake-up call to how this whole thing is getting me down now.  Hopefully, having been to my internist to explain that my coping skills have got up and went, and are now becoming physical issues such as fevers, headaches, the feeling of shaking inside my body, and the never-ending exhaustion, I will find someone who can help me more.  Yes, I have been to a therapist, but I think I need to try someone else.

Sammy had his Day One of the cycle on Thursday, meaning steroids and heavy chemo.  We brace ourselves for the onslaught to come!  On a happier note, the doc at Montefiore took his cast off....yippee!  Long story about all of that, but this doctor actually x-rayed Sam and checked his foot without the cast before declaring him fine to hobble along without it.  Pool, here we come....after the baseball is over!

Jack has had baseball, either a game or a practice, almost every night for the last two weeks...talk about taking it seriously!  We have somehow managed to get him to each one and even watched every game.  Jack is in his element, he needs this, and we are determined to give it to him.  We even had him blow off homework one day...great teachers we are!

This weekend is steroids, baseball, and the theatre.  Jack has early morning baseball.  We are going to see the middle school production of Alice in Wonderland...they are donating a percentage of each ticket to Sammy's LLS fundraiser.  I am actually 'performing' on Sunday so I have the dress rehearsal on Saturday, performance Sunday....hide in embarrassment and shame the rest of the week!  We are hoping Sammy's steroids don't throw a spanner in the works...gulp!  The good thing about this crazy weekend is that I will be too busy to have another panic attack..I hope!

Cancer moms/dads, here me now....I am at the 'easiest' stage in Sammy's treatment....it is the hardest stage for me.  I know everyone is different, but I know of other cancer moms/dads who have had this experience.  I am not conquering my anxiety yet, but I do know I can't try to do it alone.  I urge anyone who is feeling this way, no matter where your child is in treatment, to seek help, do things for yourself, make YOU better so you can help your family.  I will journal my personal hell to help others see they are not alone.  I am not looking for pity...it will pass!

Un-cancer moms/dads, know that when you ask a parent who is years into treatment of their child's cancer how things are, you will not get an honest reply.  We say, "Going well," or "Everything is as planned"...what we mean is "Help me I am drowning in this, and I don't know what to do to get myself out!"

Have a safe and happy weekend....I will be dancing my little heart out...great therapy :)